Around 4 years ago I started my YouTube channel Cooper Codes. Starting a YouTube channel is lonely, confusing, and massively difficult. Throughout this process I found myself constantly turning towards online content creators as part of my daily life, even getting to the point where I would watch self improvement content during my lunches and dinners.
In the moment I thought I was doing the right thing, I was learning, I was “figuring it out”, when in the end I was more lost and broke than I had ever been in my life.
This is a personal failing in some parts, but I do think that the allure of self improvement culture results in a majority swarm of people who stay stuck in careers they hate, businesses they hate, a financial situation they hate, all because they need to “lock in” and “embrace the grind”. When I was a YouTuber, I felt that I couldn’t have a normal job and that I needed to become this entrepreneurial idea of myself that did not exist yet.
Some Things You Can’t “Improve” Out Of
Let’s use the example of a business. You hate this business, you hate working on it, you hate the people, and it stresses you out. If you “improve” the business by working on it, you effectively are pouring time into something you hate. You create more of what you hate, it’s an improvement… an improvemnet of hate.
It is common to find situations in our lives that don’t require improvement, they instead require change. Difficult change, change that takes a step back, change that seems like you’re losing, change that forces you to view your debts, the type of change that hurts you.
The unfortuante truth is that for many people the change isn’t what they want to hear, they need to start working at McDonalds, living in a shitty apartment, and get rid of their leased Honda Civic. Stop eating out, stop hanging with the hot girlfriend, yada yada.
The danger of self improvement culture is that it sells young men on the idea of a change that looks cool, that gets them the hot chick trophy with the italian two door vehicle. This change isn’t realistic; the hot chick has Borderline Personality Disorder and the italian car has been in at the mechanic for two weeks.
If you get anything out of this, know that changing for the better sometimes looks like losing yourself, or giving up some of your time, or focusing on a new passion for a little extra time per week. Don’t obsess over it, and definitely don’t watch bullshit content on improving yourself that ignores the roots of your problems. Understand that you need to change generally comes from awareness, by observing the constant patterns of poverty within yourself. You need to view the patterns, sometimes for years at a time. It’s OK, when you’re young you have time to learn. Italian cars are beautiful, even they are in the shop sometimes. Don’t judge yourself so harshly because you made a wrong decision, because that same judgement is going to force you to keep on making that wrong decision until it completely breaks you.
Take a step back, right now. Look at the things in your life, and look at what needs to change. Write it down, and don’t obssess over fixing it instantly. Just become aware of it, chill out, and don’t let stupid podcasts get in the way of your understanding.
Don’t improve it, change it.
Money Matters (What Self Improvers Ignore)
Self improvement conveniently ignores the topic of money, except when they tell you how “easy” it is to make money once you just get the right “mindset”. I’m here to tell you that this is bullshit. We all come from different monetary backgrounds, some of us have broke parents, and homelessness or worse could genuinely happen if we take too significant of a risk.
Money matters. Money super fucking matters. For 99% of people, taking risks in business generally stems from being able to have enough cushion to make sure that you survive the fall. Burning the boats is a great mindset to have in general, and working hard should be your priority, but giving yourself ZERO cushion just results in a crash landing. Take risks, and if you need to then zero out, but don’t zero out in a way that causes massive debts, massive collapse, or massive poverty.
Part of the idea of Refined is discussing the idea of abundance alonside creative and financial success. I disagree with the idea of the broke entrepreneur. Money is an incredibly valuable thing, and even a small safety net of 6 months of expenses can allow you to pursue business in a more meaningful, unique, and financially rewarding way. Playing it safe isn’t fun I get it, but I think more people getting into the game of business need to hear that YOU NEED MONEY. Venture capitalists, your parents, your friends, your brokerage account, your Pokemon collection…. you need to get money from somewhere.
Going to zero in your bank account sucks, let’s call it zeroing out. Zeroing out is not fun, zeroing out does not result in good business, zeroing out means that you will destroy industry connections. I’ve been there, I’ve been the guy with the connects and I betrayed their trust by acsking for side gigs and other work during my rock bottom. My neediness only resulted in them thinking “what the hell happened to this guy?”. Entrepreneurs are a ruthless bunch, once they see your weakness they will quickly capitlize on it. If you’re getting in this game and this happens to you, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Realistic Expectations, Presence, and Moving Forward
Setting goals is cliche, but it’s likely the only tool you need to create a personal practice. It’s not so you become rich overnight like the “manifestors” tell you, but more so that you have a baseline upon which you can judge yourself.
Less Analysis, More Awareness
A final note on how online content plagues our awareness.